As I write this blog this morning, my 93-year-old mother-in-law is sitting next to me at the dining room table. Everyone else is off to work or out running errands. I believe I am taking care of her and I get the feeling she believes she is taking care of me. Already this morning, Aai (translated from Marathi means “mom”) has boiled today’s milk, washed her clothes, walked inside for exercise, and completed her morning chanting meditations. Now she’s working on today’s crossword puzzle.
Aai was born in 1928 in Nagpur, India. She was one of four surviving children — three daughters and one son. Her brother tragically died at age 5, so she was raised with two sisters.
Aai attended a Catholic girls’ school growing up. She was in college in 1947 when India won Independence from British rule after almost 200 years. Aai finished her college degree in 1949, and then received a teaching degree a few years later.
Aai waited until age 29 before entering an arranged marriage with my late father-in-law. They had four children, each two years apart — my three sisters-in-law followed by my husband.
While raising her family, my mother-in-law continued to work outside the home as a teacher. So passionate about education was Aai, for a time in her 50s, she woke at 4 am, cooked her meals, rode a bike 5 kilometers to the train station, rode the train 1.5 hours to a remote train station, and then walked 2.5 kilometers to a small village to teach a classroom of middle-school-age girls.
At the beginning of each school year, there would be close to 50 girls enrolled, but as the schoolyear progressed, attendance would wane. Aai would visit the homes of these students to try to urge the parents to let the girls come back to school. Unfortunately, the parents came up with various reasons why their daughters could not attend classes, e.g., their daughters needed to plant the fields or look after siblings. It seemed the parents did not understand the value of education and how it could potentially improve their lives.
Fast forward 20 years, I met Aai in the year 2000, just before her 72nd birthday. A lifelong learner, she was an early adapter on the computer, she was taking violin lessons, and she had recently traveled to the US for the very first time. Over several summers she lived with us in the US.
Fluent in three languages, Aai always makes me laugh when she tells me in perfect English, “The problem is, I don’t speak English very well.” I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to learn from Aai over the past 22 years. Among other things, she has taught me Indian home cooking (demonstrating measurements on her fingers and in the palm of her hand), herbal home remedies, and the importance of daily meditation and exercise. She has explained her personal experiences growing up in a hierarchical, patriarchal society. And despite her upbringing, she has shown me how to raise strong daughters and granddaughters. Finally, and perhaps most importantly for us, she was willing to accept our marriage — as outlandish as it must have first seemed.
Note: The links we provide on wanderfulretirement.com are for general informational purposes only; they do not constitute an endorsement. Unless otherwise credited, all of the pictures are owned by wandefulretirement.com and cannot be used without permission. Pictures taken in public are for general information only and are not meant to be invasive.